Mafia Gazette Past Issue 133
The Mafia Gazette Issue 133 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Saturday 24th March 'NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS? ' By Randle McMurphy After the recent war that claimed so many lives from both the Chicago and Las Vegas crime families, it would appear that once again we are entering a calm. Patterns like this are not uncommon, and often just erupt into yet another conflict, but for the time being at least, it would appear that no news is good news. Las Vegas now hosts Capo MrValentine. The family name is up for debate, with no official announcement being made on the streets, although Valentine himself, along with several members of his crew, are passing out business cards with an acronym spelling out a rather distasteful word, which shall not be printed here, we are a tasteful paper. Moustachio has claimed the reigns of Chicago outfit The Clientele, vowing to stick to much the same leadership style as the still missing Mr_Clientele. Although there appears to be nothing official between the two rival families, there appears to be an uneasy truce across the nation, with little blood being spilled on either side of late. How long this will last is up for debate, past history dictates that periods of calm are usually just time for recovery and strengthening amongst families weakened by war, but we here at The Gazette sincerely hope that the peace will last this time around, the country has seen enough violent deaths to last a lifetime. 'MOUSTACHIO CLAIMS CHICAGO ' By Tarquin The recent series of events have put the families of this world into shaky grounds. The war ravaged the community and many of the Men of Honour were killed, leaving families exceptionally damaged. To put salt into the wounds of the Clientele family, just hours after the dust had finally settled, their well established and highly respected boss, Mr Clientele, disappeared. In many situations, the family would've fallen apart. In this one, Moustachio, a high ranking member of the family, took the reigns and came to the streets to establish the rules of his Chicago. We visited the Chicago office of The Clientele and were barely able to catch Moustachio. He agreed to take time out of his busy schedule to have a talk with us. The Chicago Made Man was slightly guarded about the details of the war and made it clear that he didn't wish to dwell upon the subject when he commented that, "The war was fought and won, I played my part and I don't see the need to discuss that. War is not a good thing and i would sooner see the end of it then participate in any more". We quickly changed topic to his intentions for Chicago and the family he inherited. Mr Clientele left behind a legacy and is considered by many to be one of the best leaders of recent times, so Moustachio has no easy task ahead of him. He explains, "I wish to lead as Mr_Clientele would have done. However I know we are all different and you will see differences in my leadership of the Clientèle. As for achievements, I would just like to get my family back on its feet after its setback in the war and I would like to gain respect from my fellow family heads." However, he also pointed out that he will not be any less harsh then Mr Clientele was when it comes to the rules he sets in place, saying, "I will not be taken lightly and my rules regarding Chicago (as can be seen in my announcement in the street) will be strictly upheld. Although I am not trying to sound like an aggressive person, I just want Chicago to be a safe, pleasant place to visit." If there's one thing that commonly sprouts up after wars, it's the small resistance groups that are formed out of the sons, daughters and remnants of the losing side. Moustachio knows that he played a part in the Las Vegas' take down but he firmly believes that he won't get any disturbance from the West. He says, "I'm sure there will be bitter members of the late LV family but that is what is to be expected in this world of ours. However I hope that there is no ill feeling towards me." Very few of the Vegas survivors and relatives of the deceased have voiced any sort of rebellious concerns in the streets and little activity seems to be happening out of there at the moment, so Moustachio is right in feeling safe. He ended the interview by quickly stating his disappointment with much of the community, saying that, "In regards to the community as a whole, I am disappointed by the lack of effort by the majority of people, I wish that people would put more effort into enjoying themselves and getting involved in the day to day life of the mafia.". We can only wish Moustachio good luck with running the family, although we're sure he won't need it. 'STATE OF THE WEST ' By Hazard The unrest in the west has everyone wondering what will happen next. There has been a lot of backlash and with that difficulties on both sides. With the heavy losses no one really won per se. Truth be told no one ever wins in war. Well recently I had a chance to talk with some different people on both sides to see exactly what the extent of the damages were and to find out just how far things and people were effected. I was walking through the streets of Atlanta and I ran into CadienceRobson. I asked her what she thought of the war "The War in the West could have easily been prevented in my eyes, the wrong decisions were made and in return lead to an outcome that benefited no one. The selfish acts of a few brought down many.” I asked her what effects has this had on her family. Her reply, “Our family was affected only slightly by the affairs in the west. Other than the heavy hearts of losing friends and watching fellow families crumble." I then asked what she hoped to see in the West. Her reply, "For the West I hope to see strong families develop and things return to normal. Las Vegas is a beautiful city, far too beautiful to be left without a family to call it home." She then went on to give her thoughts about the recent happenings. "We cannot have peace all of the time, this is the Mafia. However in the future it might be wise for us to pick and choose our battles a little more wisely. Is supporting one Rogue Made worth throwing away an entire family? This all resulted from a series of bad decisions and with any luck hard lessons have been learned." Talking to many others in passing I kept getting the same results... Most hated to see the families fall. They all had high hopes for the west to be reborn and think highly that the next month or so will show a new face or even maybe an old face rise to strength in Las Vegas. The effects of the war were vast and went far past just the families involved. Many watched their friends gunned down and long time allies destroyed. Many members of the LV families were left homeless and running the streets looking for someone to give them a home. War is by far a necessary evil. It happens in this life that we choose and nothing can totally prevent it. Picking your battles and making the decision to go to war is one no boss likes to make. The losses are always heavy and no true victor ever is shown. 'LAS VEGAS STILL ON LOCKDOWN ' By Totally_Guitarded MrValentine announced on Sunday that the city of Las Vegas is still out of bounds to all outsiders. After the recent death of the late LV Capo, Ronin, the public were not sure whether or not the lockdown he placed upon the city were still enforced, and this weekend it was confirmed that members of the public are still not welcome there. According to MrValentine the West coast families are still setting up a drug route between there and the city of Los Angeles with the Pirates Family. MrValentine and Pirate boss OttoWhackew feel that keeping both cities on lockdown is the most efficient way of achieving this. One onlooker seemed concerned he complained that many of the drugs are now in the East, and that by setting up a drug run these families may disturb other drug runs which already exist and are being used to support the East coast families, but MrValentine assured him that there were still plenty of drugs in the West and that they will not need to disturb other drug runs to set up their own. On being asked about his feelings on other crews setting up in the city, MrValentine stated if someone did wish to set up in Las Vegas they would be advised to speak with him first to come to an arrangement rather than just go ahead and do it, everyone else advised to continue avoiding the West coast cities until further notice. 'NO MORE JUSTICE? ' By Hazard Justice, it’s a funny word thrown around a lot lately. With the onset of murders, random muggings, and the ever rising random kidnappings it is no wonder the police can’t even think to keep up. But after some investigation I have come to find out one important thing... The cops aren’t even trying. Yes that’s right. Here is what I mean... On March 14th at 10:51 pm Gazette Reporter Hazard was walking into the Gazette office in downtown Chicago when out of no where he was grabbed by an unknown Made Man. After a rough but brief time period the mysterious Made had cleaned out everything Hazard was carrying and while making a turn down a Chicago street tossed the young reporter from the car. What is the reasoning behind random attacks of this nature? When a man going walking into his office is grabbed out of nowhere and randomly attacked for no reason. This type of crime has been on the rise. Everywhere you turn you see these important people of our community grab some private citizen on his way to work. They grab his paycheck and anything else he is carrying rough him up and send him on his way. How do the citizens react? Well some run to the local alley way and grab a gun and a few bullets and start firing away, later to be labeled a random. Is this the right way to handle the situation? This reporter didn’t. But with the cops on the payroll of every gun toting gangster it is hard to get justice. Hazard went and found the local cops. As he approached he noticed that the detective was wearing a fine Italian suit, smoking the finest Cuban cigars. When I approached and told him what had happened, he said "Don’t worry about it, nothing to be reported.", and went back to his cigar... I sat back and said, "Wait a minute Detective, I was randomly grabbed and had everything taken?" The officer took me into an alleyway and forcefully told me that the man that took my things was in the right, and that if I didn’t want to go to jail for resisting arrest, I would cough up a thousand dollars and go on my merry way... What is this world coming to? There really is no justice unless it comes from the barrel of a smoking gun. It is not safe for citizens to walk the straight life and live in peace. There will be more to come on the bribe taking cops as we get more on the story. 'THE GAY MEN OF THE MAFIA ' By Totally_Guitarded Retired Delinquent boss Tarby has recently announced his latest project is going public. Early yesterday he appeared in the street to announce the now, not so secret society. The Gentleman’s club for the Great, Admirable and the Young went down a hit with on-lookers, who were queuing to sign up, claiming woman troubles and deciding this was the group for them. Others just came along to congratulate Tarby on bringing this out of the closet. Even the women were intrigued, Portia dressed as a man, with her best painted moustache on even attempted to sign up and Amilie showing up in the pinkest outfit I have ever seen, after sneaking through the window of the toilets she strutted in, past Portia (who was still trying to convince Tarby she was in fact a man) and into the centre of the room to find out what the association was all about. Jaws dropped as every GAY in the room longed to find out where she bought that pink hat. I spoke to the King of the G.A.Y.'s himself, Tarby, who only had to say “Erm.... we're proud?” So there you have it folks, the Proud G.A.Y.’s of today’s mafia are out of the closet! 'THE HORSE TRADE ' By Hazard Now, one of the things many like to do is dabble in the races and a few go on to purchase a small stable for themselves. The market for them used to be very good. People could get them cheap spend a little on training and on food and sell it off at the top of its game. Recently I looked into buying a stable of my own. I skimmed through the horses for sale found some ones I liked and bought them. One of the main things I wondered was... Who does the pricing? For example, there were a few horses up for sale between 250k-400k. Not bad for a decent horse. When I looked at the track records, lo and behold the horse hasn’t won a race since OCTOBER! Now I don’t know about you but I can’t see dumping that much money on horse that is ready for the glue factory. But yet I did find some decent little horses still young and coming into their own for a real bargain. Now of course there are those out there that think a horse that is winning a few races is worth 1 or 2 million. But for me I wasn’t really interested in putting all my eggs in the same basket. So after some time spent (and a good suit ruined by the smell) and many near heart attacks at some of the things I saw, I made my selections and bought 8 decent horses and 3 others for my nieces to ride. 'THE OLD MAN SAYS… ' Latest in the series: Peace Times of peace are just part of our vicious circle of mafia life. Some find them boring, some thrive on them, but the fact of the matter is they will always be around in one form or another. The key to making the most of them is to embrace the peace, but prepare for war. Peace is wonderful. We lark about holding hands, and life is peachy, but war is always just around the corner. The main reasons for any peace is consolidation, or to rearm and regroup. People can say all they want, but the reality is as simple as that, people need time to earn and prepare for their next war. Sometimes there’s not a specific target in mind, sometimes wars to really just jump up out of nowhere, but they are very often planned and engineered during these times of peace. We’re in a time of peace right now, doesn’t mean there’ll be a war just around the corner, but it’s bound to happen sooner or later. My advice? Just enjoy it while it lasts, but don’t rely on it lasting forever. Earn money, gather arms, strengthen yourself for harsher times, but ultimately, try to see the sunny side of life. We will always have our ups and downs, it’s how you deal with them that shapes you as a person. 'THE COMMUNITY LOTTERY ' By Randle McMurphy More of an announcement than an article here, folks. I have to apologise, but I’ve been a tad preoccupied recently. I’ve had a few people mail me about the lottery, one or two claiming to have won. Don’t worry. I’ve still got all the entries, they’re all noted down, I just haven’t had the time to get all the announcements and such organised. It will all be done though, you have my word. So, keep sending in those entries, and most importantly, good luck! 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Want to advertise in this section for your business, perhaps a lonely hearts ad, lost your dog? Well just drop a mail to Randle McMurphy, it’s completely FREE! The Mafia Gazette is back and once again recruiting! Following a highly successful advertising campaign, The Gazette is currently boasting a good stock of writers, both part-time and full-time, but we’re always looking for more. If you would like to write for The Gazette, please forward a sample article to Randle_McMurphy, it’s simple as that! Pay: $100k-$250k per article + possible bonuses